chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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