life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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