The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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