Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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