Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
