Im at strip club and am horny
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
