I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
