i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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