i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
