i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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