apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
