i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
