she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
