whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
