Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize