A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
