Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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