so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
