Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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