Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
