Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
