I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
