For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
