the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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