I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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