Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
