careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
