You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
