Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
