he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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