In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
