I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
