Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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