never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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