he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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