Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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