u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
