My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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