I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
