he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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