I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
