i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
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I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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I forgot wine drunk hurts
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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