So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
