I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
well you can't waste a boner
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
