Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
