The police scanner is talking about you again....
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
