Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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