What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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