u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
