Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
