speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
only you would photoshop your dick
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
