Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
