He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
