you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
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