brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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