if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
