those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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