ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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