When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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