why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
