my phone needs a breathalizer
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
