why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.