he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry