do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
