Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
