Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
What a dumb baby whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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