i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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