I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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