there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
