Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
