I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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