Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
