I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
